Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
