Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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