All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
