found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
