Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
