so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
