Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
