Cold hands, warm shart.
Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
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