Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
After last night, I could never be a politician.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
