I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
try to milk me bitch
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