oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
don't judge my taste in strippers
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
