Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
