I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
