So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
