My sheets look like a crime scene.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
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Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
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I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize