is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
