I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
