my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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