In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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