i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
