my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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