i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Drunk is not a location!
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