Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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