I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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