Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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