Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You ate ashes out of my bong
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
