I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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