What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
