It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
