My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I will pee on everything he values.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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