im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
