dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
just tell him i said nine months
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
