I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
