Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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