And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
