2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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