I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
