P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT