i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.