dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
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i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
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I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I got my gum stuck on his balls.