so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
