Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
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He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
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What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.