Texts From Last Night

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  (540): View more from Virginia

  what do you have against ST

  (1-540): View more from Virginia

  DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.

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  (540): what do you have against ST (1-540): DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS. http://tfl.nu/zpvl
  Replies (11) Good night (3430) Bad night (1038)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.

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  (908): Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution. http://tfl.nu/ms1p
  Replies (2) Good night (1940) Bad night (652)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.

  (937): View more from Ohio

  He had some in his pocket. That was weird.

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  (937): Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon. (937): He had some in his pocket. That was weird. http://tfl.nu/q8lw
  Replies (27) Good night (1139) Bad night (5254)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button

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  (512): so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button http://tfl.nu/bgvc
  Replies (11) Good night (2801) Bad night (1566)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Even water is tasting like jack daniels

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  (310): Even water is tasting like jack daniels http://tfl.nu/2l5a
  Replies (15) Good night (4980) Bad night (1363)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.

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  (713): Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go. http://tfl.nu/z9ow
  Replies (10) Good night (3645) Bad night (1069)
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.

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  (810): I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago. http://tfl.nu/b9vc
  Replies (21) Good night (4972) Bad night (1251)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.

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  (773): What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this. http://tfl.nu/0oyt
  Replies (12) Good night (2364) Bad night (1043)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring

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  (816): I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring http://tfl.nu/n1of
  Replies (2) Good night (2204) Bad night (758)
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.

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  (662): She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list. http://tfl.nu/gj4y
  Replies (21) Good night (3456) Bad night (1096)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair

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  (303): well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair http://tfl.nu/spf3
  Replies (3) Good night (1358) Bad night (656)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.

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  (215): Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video. http://tfl.nu/ct0i
  Replies (5) Good night (2379) Bad night (829)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.

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  (408): I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night. http://tfl.nu/v3fg
  Replies (5) Good night (910) Bad night (596)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Flo's in town, ain't she.

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  (720): I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory. (303): Flo's in town, ain't she. http://tfl.nu/80za
  Replies (4) Good night (740) Bad night (350)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.

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  (306): I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal. http://tfl.nu/5qva
  Replies (4) Good night (445) Bad night (255)

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