Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
