i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
