evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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