I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
