i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
