Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Randomize
