He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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