sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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