But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
