I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
