i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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