How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I wear drunk well.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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