I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
