I got her a Nickelback box set.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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