Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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