it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
