What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
