we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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