can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
