I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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