This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
