i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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