This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
