no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
