Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
