Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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