What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
being pregnant is like rehab
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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