Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
