dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Green mimosas i think yes
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
