So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
