Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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