I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She told me I should be a condom model.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
