your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
