should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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