Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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