shes about as inviting as chlamydia
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
