i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
