Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
