saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
