is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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