he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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