Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
